


Waiting in Vain

by pitch_playbook



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, One-Sided Attraction, Sad, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-25
Updated: 2015-05-25
Packaged: 2018-04-01 03:08:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4003531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pitch_playbook/pseuds/pitch_playbook
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chloe has a thing for Beca and maybe it's more than a thing, maybe she's in love with her. No one intentionally fails Russian Lit three times just so they can sing in an a capella group, not even Chloe Beale. Takes place over the course of Chloe's extra years at Barden where she learns among other things that unrequited love sucks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waiting in Vain

**Author's Note:**

> It has been far too long she I have started a new Bechloe fic. I’ve watched Pitch Perfect 2 a couple times though and I couldn’t get the thought of unrequited Bechloe out of my head. Chloe very obviously has feelings for Beca but I am not sure that Beca feels the same way. Hopefully you’ll enjoy this Chloe centric fic and it won’t hurt too much. As always your feedback would be greatly appreciated if you have a moment to leave a review or comment here or send me a message on Tumblr (shesamarshmallow).

It all started with a 39% on her Russian Lit mid-term in what was supposed to be her senior year. Chloe knows Tolstoy and Chekhov like the back of her hand but she was too distracted, at least that’s what she told herself. Aubrey was hell bent on the Bellas climbing their way back to the top and all Chloe wanted to do was help her get there. She stared down at the grade written and circled in bright red pen and then tossed the paper in the trash moments later. If she was being honest with herself the whole failing Russian Lit thing was self sabotage at its finest. If she passed the class she would have had to walk across that stage at graduation and leave the Bellas behind. There was no one waiting to see her walk across that stage so she told herself the 39% didn’t matter, and neither did the 43% she got on the final. She could have written the essay on Pasternak’s influence in her sleep but instead she didn’t write it at all. No one cared if she graduated or not but she cared about the Bellas’ future too much to walk away. Chloe is good at convincing herself that’s why she stayed at Barden, even when the real reason is standing right in front of her.

 

Beca asked her why she didn’t ask for help when she realized she was failing the course. Chloe just laughed. There was a reason she picked Russian Literature as the course to let her grades slip in, who was going to help her with that? None of the Bellas could even pronounce Tsvetaeva, much less name one of her poems. Beca’s presence had this power over her, ever since the first time they met at the activities fair. Her stomach fills with butterflies when she first sees her but then she is calm and cool. She can even turn the tables and make Beca blush most of the time. This doesn’t go unnoticed, at least not by Aubrey who told her mere days after they met to just bang the girl already. She has offered to throw a bucket of cold water on her multiple times since. Chloe did her best to hide what she called her just slightly more than normal level of affection for Beca, but it was obvious to everyone, except Beca.

 

After they won the ICCA that year Chloe knew her decision not to graduate was the right one. She needed another year with the Bellas. She wanted to stay in Atlanta, there was nothing waiting for her back in Miami anyway. She didn’t even go back for the summer like she normally did, it’s not like anyone would miss her there. Beca was staying in Atlanta with her dad and Chloe and Aubrey paid rent for their off-campus apartment all year round. She stayed and spent her days in Beca’s bedroom watching her mix. Beca told her she didn’t have to stick around but Chloe insisted it was fun. She volunteered with under privileged kids some days but she was free most of the time and had nothing else to do. At least she had nothing else she wanted to do. She loved the way Beca looked so intense when she was mixing, so focused, and, well, hot. She looked hotter than anyone should be allowed to while staring at a computer screen.

 

Beca spent any hours she wasn’t mixing or working at the radio station with Jesse. It didn’t bother Chloe when Beca had kissed him after their big ICCA win. In theory it didn’t really bother her that they were dating either. Jesse was nice and he was cute and Beca seemed to like him and that was all fine and well, until they kissed on the porch of the Bellas’ new house. They kissed on the porch on a night when Beca said she would hang out with Chloe and talk about recruitment and potential song choices for next year. They kissed and maybe Chloe wished she were kissing her instead. She scrawled Jessie’s Girl on a piece of paper she had been writing a set list on before violently scratching it out and tossing it in the trash. She didn’t want to be falling for Beca Mitchell, it was far too cliché. Chloe did not want to be the girl who fell for her straight friend but when she realized that she was that girl it was already too late.

* * *

 

Throughout Beca’s second year and her fifth at Barden Chloe didn’t even think about telling the other girl about her feelings. They were stupid feelings anyway. Chloe was determined to get over her ridiculous crush. She focused on the Bellas and becoming ICCA champions for the second year in a row. When a cappella competitions weren’t enough to hold her focus Tom’s tongue entangled with hers was. If Beca was going to be kissing Jesse everywhere she was going to kiss Tom. He knew he was just a distraction to Chloe, but he didn’t care. Chloe was just as much as distraction to him as he was to her. Liking another guy on his baseball team was so not something he wanted to be worrying about in his senior year. Kevin was his Beca, not that he ever mentioned this to Chloe. He didn’t want her to think he was using her, even if that’s exactly what she was doing to him. They would eventually reach a point where they just couldn’t wake up next to each other anymore but for that year it worked.

 

She still spent a lot of her free time with Beca, watching her mix, helping her come up with their set lists, discussing choreography. When the conversation was focused on the Bellas it was easy to talk to Beca. It was easy to be around her, at least when she wasn’t thinking about how when Beca left the auditorium she would be going to Jesse’s room. She tried her best to keep thoughts like those out of her mind. She lied to Aubrey most of the time when she called to check in. No, she wasn’t sitting around pining after Beca. Yes, she did have a lovely time with Tom watching a movie whose name she can’t remember but it was really good. Yes, she’s very excited to spend the summer with Tom’s family at their country club. No, she’s not thinking about all the ways she could tell Beca that maybe there is something more between them than friendship.

 

She spends one very hot night in Beca’s room. The thunderstorm outside had spooked her and Beca insisted that she stay with her. She didn’t have her pajamas but Beca didn’t care that she slept in her underwear. This surprised Chloe, even though they had gotten really close. She could feel Beca’s breath warm on the back of her neck. She couldn’t turn around though. Beca’s face being that close to her own was too much temptation to handle. If she didn’t kiss her she would definitely whisper in her ear. She couldn’t risk it. She fell asleep and tried hard not to dream about a day when maybe she would actually have the courage to talk to Beca about her feelings.

 

They spend a couple more nights together and Chloe doesn’t know how accidental some of these occurrences are. It’s too dark out seems like a pretty poor excuse not to go back to your own room in the same house. I forgot my key was also a bad one especially since they don’t have keys to their rooms. Beca never questioned why she didn’t just text Stacie to let her in if the door was locked. She just let her stay; she let her stay every time. There was even one awkward night when both Jesse and Chloe stayed over in Beca’s room. She doesn’t know how they got through that. When Chloe and Jesse weren’t talking shop about a cappella awkward silence filled the room. She still doesn’t know if Jesse knew then how often she thought of his girlfriend in ways he definitely would not appreciate. Beca always whispered goodnight so sweetly, but no goodnight kiss. That would have been inappropriate, albeit very welcome.

 

She failed Russian Literature again that year. She doesn’t walk across the stage at graduation but she does walk across the stage to collect yet another ICCA trophy. Chloe admits to failing purposely when Aubrey questions her but begs her not to tell the Bellas. Aubrey doesn’t press for more details. She knew deep down that Chloe was doing whatever she needed to get by. She was lost in a world of uncertainty about the future but with the Bellas things were easy. They were on top of the a cappella world and that was something Chloe could deal with. Leaving Barden and going back home, if she could even call it that, that wasn’t easy. She didn’t think about it, and she didn’t go back for the summer.

 

They never made it to Tom’s country club though. He told his parents about Kevin and they were much more interested in meeting Tom’s new boyfriend than his fake girlfriend. She wasn’t too broken up about it. Tom was hot and a lot of fun but she never loved him, even when she pretended to. Beca comforted her after their “breakup” and Chloe didn’t have the guts to tell her that their entire relationship was a lie. She took advantage of the opportunity to cuddle on the couch and watch chick flicks while eating ice cream with Beca. Aubrey told her she should just fess up but Chloe refused. She didn’t have Tom anymore but Beca still had Jesse. Despite his fatal flaw of being in love with the same girl that she was in love with, he wasn’t really half bad.

 

Beca went home to visit her mother that summer and Chloe had never felt lonelier in her life. She didn’t have Beca, she didn’t have Aubrey, she didn’t have Tom and even Stacie went home for the summer. She got a job, she didn’t need one but she needed something to distract her. She could only spend so much time thinking about the way Beca’s lips looked when she was laughing or how good she smelled after a shower. Her feelings could no longer be called a ridiculous crush and Chloe was reluctant to accept that. There were plenty of available men and women to go home with after her shifts serving at a bar near Barden. They weren’t as good a distraction as Tom, but for that summer they were good enough.

* * *

 

Beca and the rest of the Bellas returned in the fall and Chloe couldn’t hide her smile when the tiny brunette ran into her arms. She had missed this, and she hated that she missed it so much. Beca Mitchell was the reason she signed up for Russian Literature again that year with the sole intention of failing again. She still had no reason to graduate other than Aubrey’s nagging. She did not need to be told for the hundredth time that she couldn’t stay at Barden forever. She didn’t need to stay there forever, just as long as Beca stayed there would suffice. After that, well she still wouldn’t have anywhere to go but she would have no reason to stick around Barden. Maybe she would finally turn in an epic paper on Gogol’s _Taras Bulba_ and walk across the stage at graduation, but not this year. She had another ICCA championship to gun for. She could almost feel Aubrey rolling her eyes through the phone but she ignored her. It was Chloe’s life, no one had ever cared about her future and she didn’t need Aubrey to start now.

 

Chloe is brushing her hair one morning when Fat Amy knocks on her door only to let herself in before she answers. Fat Amy rooms with Beca and doesn’t normally venture down to her bedroom. She sleeps in the bedroom on the main floor, it’s the biggest one in the house and she shares it with Stacie. She isn’t sure why Amy is visiting her until she very bluntly asks her about her feelings for Beca. She doesn’t quite know what to say. She loves all of the Bellas but Amy is probably the last one she would confide in. The words you love her feel a bit too real when they fall out of Amy’s mouth.

 

How does Amy even know? Maybe it’s the way her eyes light up whenever Beca walks into a room. Maybe it’s the way she’s always the one to stand next to Beca, sometimes too close for any normal human being to feel comfortable. It’s probably the way she looks at Beca, like Beca is the only person in the world. Heart eyes Amy calls them, she looks at Beca with hearts in her eyes. The Australian girl may be weird but she certainly has Chloe read like a book. Still though, Chloe brushes her off. She knows Amy doesn’t believe her when she says she doesn’t like Beca in that way. She says it anyway, almost coldly, like the idea that she would ever like Beca is painful to her. It’s not, the idea that Beca may never feel the same way about her is what hurts.

 

She fails Russian Literature again, a self fulfilling prophecy every year. The third time would be the charm if Chloe actually bothered to turn in the paper she wrote on Leskov’s writings on social issues. It sat on her desk, finished for three weeks before she tore it up. It was the night she watched Beca and Jesse as they lay watching the stars in the Bellas’ backyard. She felt like she was invading on something really private and special, but she also felt sick to her stomach. Amy wasn’t wrong, somewhere along the way she had gone from crushing on Beca Mitchell to a full-blown case of being lovesick for the girl. It would be sickening if it were anyone else but since it’s her, it’s just sad. Aubrey tells her to just put herself out of her misery and tell Beca, but facing rejection in any form other than another failed Russian Lit test is not something Chloe is interested in.

* * *

 

Beca goes home with Jesse for the summer and the ache in her heart hurts more than she cares to admit. She thinks about going back to Florida, about leaving Barden and just never coming back. She doesn’t even need the degree and that missing credit in Russian Literature won’t haunt her. Never hearing Beca’s voice again though, that will haunt her. She can’t get Beca off her mind and she can’t leave Barden with her still on it. She burns one of Jesse’s shirts in a bonfire at the Treble house, hosted by Bumper who she is pretty sure is not supposed to be using the place but she doesn’t care. He left it in their bathroom and he’s not getting it back. It’s petty and she kind of hates herself for doing it but it makes her feel better if only for a minute. She cries herself to sleep that night. She is the only one left in the Bella house so there is no one there to be bothered when her sobbing gets a little bit too loud.

 

She spends most of her nights that summer drinking with Bumper. He got a job with campus security and probably shouldn’t be drinking with students but this is Bumper Allen. He probably shouldn’t do most of the things he does. He misses Amy, she tells him just to tell her that he cares about her. It’s pathetic and she’s a hypocrite, she should be taking her own advice. It seems to make Bumper perk up though, she just takes another swig of beer. It’s disgusting but it takes the edge off and she doesn’t think about Beca as much when she’s drunk. She doesn’t think about how happy she looked when they won the ICCA championship again last year, she doesn’t think about how cute she looks when she’s trying to be sexy or how sexy she actually looks when she’s not even trying. She doesn’t think about any of those things until she does and she cries herself to sleep again.

 

When the Bellas return for their senior year Chloe still isn’t ready for thoughts of graduation and moving on. She doesn’t really have anywhere to move on to. She has nowhere to go back to and nothing pushing her forward. A cappella is her entire life and that is kind of sad when she thinks about it. It’s not really her fault; she can’t help the hand she’s been dealt. When her father died when she was 7 things kind of fell apart at home, when mother died when she was 14 her life as she knew it was over. She had to move to Florida to live with an aunt who couldn’t even pretend to give a damn about her. All she cared about was her parent’s money and luckily they were smart enough to make it so she couldn’t touch that. Chloe’s inheritance was funding her extra years at Barden and she had more than enough to live off of. She didn’t need to do much of anything with her future, but she wished she had something else to care about. College a cappella could not be the highlight of her life, but for the moment it was everything and everyone she had.

 

She is mortified when Fat Amy bares it all in front of the President and the Bellas are suspended from collegiate a cappella. 7 years of her life and for what? She ends up as the laughing stock of the a cappella world for the 2nd time and that is just perfect. Worlds are their only chance to save the Bellas and at least this year she has something to focus on. At this point she could win the ICCA championship in her sleep, Worlds presents a new challenge and something to take her mind off Beca; who seems suspiciously absent most of the time. Chloe doesn’t question her. Beca has come a long way but in a lot of ways she is still the closed off girl with the intimidating ear spikes she met at the activities fair. Chloe just lets her be, most of the time she can’t really handle being around her anyway, at least not when they’re alone.

 

Das Sound Machine is awful in the way where they aren’t really awful at all but Chloe hates them with a seething passion anyway. They stole their tour and they can’t be the reason the Bellas cease to exist. The Bellas are her family and these stupid Germans are not going to take that away from the next generation of young women. She knows it’s cheesy even when she says it out loud as part of a pep talk she gives the girls. She doesn’t care, it’s how she feels and she is really tired of keeping her feelings bottled up. Das Sound Machine must be destroyed. Beca laughs when she adds that part. Chloe thinks maybe the pep talk was too much when they get back on the bus and Cynthia Rose is recovering after being set on fire. They’re doomed and if Beca could stop looking at her like that maybe she could come up with their next move that would be great.

* * *

 

Aubrey’s retreat is the only place she can think of to bring them. She doesn’t tell them it is barely a glorified camping trip, she knows most of them would not have agreed to that. They need to find their sound again, the way they had to when Beca first joined the Bellas. Team building exercises and a few nights in the woods would do them some good, and at least if it didn’t work Chloe could say she tried everything. Lying next to Beca in the tent she wants to tell her how she feels, finally. She’s afraid that it is now or never but there are way too many other girls. She settles for telling her she wishes she had experimented more in college. It is a not so subtle nod to her feelings for Beca and in that moment she wishes Beca was better at reading people. Beca just calls her weird again and rolls over to face Lilly. The tears pool in Chloe’s eyes and she tries to fall asleep and not think about what telling Beca might mean.

 

They do team building exercises the next day, all day. Chloe loves every minute of it mostly because they offer a welcome distraction. If she is trying to complete a ropes course she isn’t thinking about Beca. Even when Beca’s tiny frame is pressed up against her own on a log, she doesn’t think about how much she wants to be this close to her all the time. They sing and things seem to be going well but then Beca has a meltdown. She freaks out and yells at Chloe, telling her what she already knows, that she’s afraid to move on. Beca hits her where it hurts and it stings even more coming from her. She’s hurt that Beca never told her about the internship. She has never felt more distant from the other woman than in this moment. She wants to run off but Beca does it first.

 

Later on that evening they sit around the campfire. Beca has apologized and all is back to normal in the Bellas’ world. She decides that it really is time for her to move on, she tells the Bellas that she will actually graduate this year. She should easily get a 98% in her Russian Literature course, she nailed the last three tests and her final paper on Gogol is brilliant. She will walk across that stage and she knows that Aubrey and all of the Bellas will be there with her, cheering her on. She is serious about working with children, not so much so about the exotic dancing but the way Beca laughed made the joke worth it. If this is one of her last memories of college she is okay with that. It has been quite the ride but it is definitely time to move on. The worlds will be her swan song and they are certainly not a bad way to go out. Now, they just have to beat those deutch-bags Das Sound Machine.

 

After the rest of the girls head back to the tent Beca lingers. Aubrey is still there too but she takes a hint and finds a reason to head back to her quarters. Beca moves over to sit next to Chloe. Maybe it’s instinct, maybe it’s hope but Chloe wraps her arm around Beca’s tiny frame. They sit in silence for a little while. It feels comfortable. Neither one wants to be the first to speak up but they both have so much to say. Beca breaks her silence first. She tells Chloe that she is proud of her and that she will do great things after Barden. It is so cliché, she is surprised it even came out of Beca Mitchell’s mouth. Chloe hopes that after all these years together Beca has something less generic to say to her. She can see in the other woman’s eyes that she has a lot of less cheesy things to say but she isn’t saying any of them. Chloe turns to her and it takes less than a second before her lips are on Beca’s.

 

She’s not sure what hurts more, the shove Beca gives her as she pushes her off or the way the words I’m sorry spill from her lips. Chloe knows exactly what she is sorry for. She is sorry for not loving her back; they both know it without either one of them having to say it. Beca runs off, back to the tent. Chloe didn’t even have to tell her and Beca knew what she wanted to say. She wonders how long Beca has known. She knows now that Beca has let her love her from a distance and not said anything to put her out of her misery. She doesn’t know if that is cruel or kind, maybe a little bit of both. Aubrey comes back to the now dying campfire and wraps her arms around Chloe. She doesn’t say that she expected this to happen because she really did think there was a chance that Beca felt the same way. There were so many indications that they could be something more but maybe Chloe waited too long. Beca loves Jesse and as much as Chloe loves Beca expecting her to throw away a three-year relationship was expecting a lot.

 

Chloe cries herself to sleep again that night as she sleeps in the corner, far away from Beca at the other end of the tent. The next day things go back to normal. Chloe and Beca are still Chloe and Beca. They don’t talk about the previous night. Again Chloe can’t decide if Beca’s actions are cruel or kind, maybe a mixture of both. Chloe doesn’t allow herself to dwell on it. Beca may not return her feelings but she is still one of her best friends, she doesn’t want things to be weird between them. As much as it hurts her to be around Beca, she still wants her in her life. On the flight to Copenhagen Beca tries to talk to her but Chloe just changes the subject. She’s trying to move on, or she is at least not trying to look back to that night. They have more important things to worry about, like beating DSM at a game they play very well.

 

* * *

 

When they win Beca jumps into her arms, it’s a familiar gesture. As Chloe pulls her in tight for a hug she can feel that this is the last time they will ever have a moment like this. There will never be another ICCA Championship, never another Worlds and never another reason for Chloe to hold Beca the way she is holding her right now. In a few years she hopes Beca will still be a friend and a girl she loved once, not a girl she can’t get over. She’s hopeful, Beca is staying in Atlanta and Chloe is going to travel for a bit. She’s not sure where, she did fail Geography after all and unlike Russian Literature she isn’t secretly knowledgeable about the subject. Wherever she goes she will check in on the new Bellas, they have a legacy to uphold but she trusts Emily. Nothing prepared her to lose her family the first time when her parents died, but today she is prepared to leave her second family, just for a while. She will be back soon enough, in the front row cheering them on at the ICCA finals next year at Lincoln Center, she’s sure of it. Maybe Beca will come to; maybe she won’t, maybe one day it won’t matter to Chloe what Beca does. For now though she’s booking another flight to Europe, anywhere but Germany.

 

 

 

 


End file.
